Sunday, October 30, 2011

Remembering Father's Day

"Remembering Father's Day" (via face book note)

by Lourdes Cabrilles on Sunday, June 19, 2011 at 4:24pm

I had a happy childhood memories of my father. He was my confidante, my protector, my tutor, my friend, and my ever loving father. I had so much respect on him then. I remember when I was a kid and asking about stars, if why is that there are so many stars, and why we cannot count them, and he tried his best to answer me. I also remember when he took me in his bike in going to school, when he patiently helped me in my school  assignments, and gave me baon  everyday. Honestly I am closer to my father(papa's girl), though I love my mother so much.

I didn't know what went wrong with my family. We had a big family problem as I entered high school. I begin to doubt GOD on HIS love for us, but never hated HIM. I just convinced myself that this was just a test. Until it gone worst. My father left us. And it was very painful. I begin to hate him. My respect to him was lost...who wouldn't?. All the good things that I knew about him were broken into pieces. So many years had passed and the pain is still here. And I really don't know when it will be healed. And when he left, I appreciated my mother so much for being a martyr wife and a loving mother to us. She became our father and mother for the past 20 years, and that was not a joke. I had witnessed her pains, the nonstop cry, the struggles and the trying times of being a single mom. She's the best, a truly perfect mother a child could ever had.

This is why I struggled to pursue my studies despite the fact that we are poor and no one to turn to. I wanted to help my family especially my mother. It's very hard to be a working student, and thought of giving up. But I had to do this for them. I had to be strong. So I finished my studies, and had a teaching job. And I'm very thankful to GOD because HE's always there when I needed HIM the most.

Today is Father's Day, and I still remember him. I remember all those times that I'm with him. Did I miss him? I really don't know. Maybe I'm just used to live without a father. But whatever happened, he is still my father. If not because of him, I will not be what I become now. The values he instilled in our minds when we we're kids were still here in our hearts. And whenever I hear the song "Dance with my Father", I cried a lot. Perhaps I longed for his love, maybe I wanted a father to appreciate all my achievements in life. Now, I still don't know when's the right time that we will be able to reconcile. Maybe I'm still waiting for him to come back to us or to say sorry to our mother and admit his mistake. Or maybe he is also waiting for us to talk to him.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to you, wherever you are! I know you remember us. I hope someday we can talk.

You may NOT be a perfect FATHER....but you tried to BECOME one long time ago.


Update:
* (10.27.11 my facebook comment) I actually wrote this note last June during father's day, i just not published it publicly coz i'm not ready yet to tell my friends about it...until this morning, when we had a seminar and our speaker, shared same situation as mine, and played video about father and son..i was really teary eyed.....then i realized why should i ashamed to have a broken family?...I think this made me strong...wuahh I'm crying while writing:((

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